I expected motherhood to be really difficult

I have always expected motherhood to be really difficult. I had this feeling deep within that I wouldn’t be a good mother and because of that I had presumed it was  going to be the most difficult thing I would ever do. That was certainly one of the reasons I had my placenta made into pills. But so far, so good.

Emelia will be 4 months old this weekend and she’s is amazing, no really, she’s totally incredible. She’s gradually showing her personality and I think she’s going to be a strong, determined little lady. I want that for her. More than anything to be stronger than me, to be cooler than me, to do better than me, like all parents do. 

And this motherhood business isn’t that difficult! I’m using my instincts and that is making me and her rather chilled out about the whole thing. She is independent already; from only a few weeks old she would happily be left alone on her playmat whilst I pottered around the house putting washing in the machine and getting it back out again. Other Mums were surprised I could leave her like that as all of theirs were always stuck to them and on their laps. I then thought maybe I was doing it wrong and I shouldn’t leave her like that but my instincts told me she was fine and she would call out if she needed me.

She certainly does call out when she needs me, lots. We worked out early on that she pretty much only cries if she is hungry or tired. This girl does not care about anything else! Wet/dirty nappy – doesn’t care. Naked – doesn’t care. Swimming underwater – doesn’t care. She is really, rather cool. 

I do have a feeling she might be an adrenaline junky though, if dirty nappies, nakedness and swimming underwater don’t phase her then maybe she might fancy jumping out a plane for a kick. Only time will tell. So far I’m enjoying my cool kid.

She doesn’t sleep much though. Babies of this age are meant to have between 12&16 hours of sleep a day. We are lucky if she sleeps 10 hours a day, including naps. Lots of people think that’s crazy but we are used to it as she’s always been like that. Since 4 weeks and 6 days old she has “slept through the night”. We are VERY lucky, I know we are. She slept 11.30-6 from that age and now we are trying to get her to sleep for longer but 9.30-6ish is the best she can do. Not bad for an exclusively breastfed baby at 16 weeks old. She wakes up 3 or 4 times throughout the night, sometimes more but a gentle hand hold or rub of her hair normally sends her back to sleep pretty quickly.

I have trusted my instincts since she was born and I wasn’t expecting to and who knows if it’s because of me that she’s like this or this is just her, I suppose I’ll know when she’s older!

It is obvious to me though, that when I am stressed or anxious she picks up on it and is a bit of a sh*tbag. She reacts to me. A bit like a mirror. She will become anxious and stressed with me as she also feels uncomfortable. So I’ve learnt to try and be calm as much as possible to help both of us and I think that’s also why she’s a cool kid. 

Roll on baby number two if it’s gonna be this easy! Pah! Yea, right!

Love C x


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